Christmas Bliss and Fighting For My Dreams.

It's Christmas Eve. 

I'm sitting alone in the living room of my parents house, 

drinking white wine and watching the Christmas lights glisten on the tree. 

My family is in the kitchen, sitting around the table laughing. 

I'm about to join them, but I linger, only for a moment, 

to savour the sweet sound of their voices in this exact moment. 

Bliss. 

------------------------------------------------------

13 days until departure,

 and I feel the familiar feeling of anxiousness creeping up on me. 

The feeling of "what if…"

What if I don't raise the $4,200 I need by January 7th? 

What if I end up getting so close to my dream, only to watch it crumble before my eyes?

What if.. What if I can't go to Thailand because of money? 

"I'm so forgetful, but you always remind me:

You're the only one who brings me peace."

These song lyrics have been running through my head all day today.

I've been meditating on them, speaking them over myself, praying them into existence. 

The truth is, I need help getting to Thailand. 

I only  have 13 days to raise $4,200 or I will not be able to go. 

I've been praying over the last few days about how I am to go about all this. 

How do I ask, yet again, for MORE money? 

Am I even supposed to go, Jesus? 

And if not, what am I supposed to be doing? 

How do I make people see? 

How do I make them hear?

The only answer I've received is "Trust."

Okay, God. You got it. 

I'll trust You. 

I'll trust You with everything I have.

I'm also going to fight for my dream of being a long term missionary in Thailand.

I'm going to fight for my dream to tell the untold stories of women trapped in the sex trade. 

I'm going to fight for my dream to go there and fight for them. 

So, 

I am asking you, begging you, to please consider donating to my dream. 

To God's dream of bringing hope and life to these women. 

I'm asking you to join me in the fight against human trafficking. 

I'm asking you to dream with me… 

If you feel led to donate, please do so by clicking here. 

If you cannot donate, please PLEASE pray that all the money will come in by January 7th. 

Share this blog with everyone you know. 

Once again, a thousand thank you's would never be enough to all who have already donated. 

I pray you will be blessed 100 fold for the blessing you have been to me. 

An Excerpt.

The snow-filled wind blows all around me and I can't help but think of cruel irony.
As the ground becomes cool and hard in the frigid air, my heart is beginning to thaw.
The icicles form, the flakes drift to their predestined places,
and I find myself beginning to spark on the inside.

The last 6 months of my life have been the hardest.
They have been the coolest, the loneliest, the weakest.
I would sit inside on a beautiful summer day, the kind that my soul used to rejoice in.
I would lay in my bed and cry, shaking with the stifling of sobs and the swallowing of lies.
My heart broke.
My hope scattered.
My soul despaired.
My entire being was overcome by the aching in my spirit.
I closed my eyes and succumbed to the blackness.

I sat in a pit of lies and numbness for months.
I let myself.
I let myself stay there because I knew I couldn't get out on my own and no one would help me climb.
I was afraid to feel the breaking again.
I didn't want to feel if it means I would only feel pain...


"Jesus… Jesus…"


 I called for You.
I called out as many times as I could muster.
And I will call for all the rest of my days.
For I am weak.
I am tired.
I am selfish.
I am unequipped.
I am sinful.
I am afraid.
I am bitter.
I am broken….

But You.
You love me.
You've called me.
You've redeemed me.
You call me Holy.
You call me Daughter…


Though I'm not out of the pit yet,
though I am slow at climbing from the ocean of bitterness,
the frozen walls around my heart are beginning to thaw,
just as the fresh winds of winter settle in.

30 days.

Today is December 8th.

Exactly 30 days until I get on a plane and my life changes forever. 

It's a strange feeling, stepping into your dreams. 

It's this intense rollercoaster of every emotion in the book. 

Nervousness. Excitement. Sadness. Expectation. Fear. Joy. 

As hard as this year has been, 

there still seems to be this underlying bittersweet feeling to every situation. 

Given how much snow we've had recently, I am more than ready to play in the crystalline waters of Thailand. 

But every day I seem to want to just stare at the Rocky Mountains in the distance. 

I am cherishing cozy sweaters and even that horrible feeling of your nostril hairs freezing instantly. 

I am definitely ready to go, but I'm finding it harder than usual to say goodbye to some of the things and people I have grown to love this year. 

I even started packing today. 

Which is absolutely insane. 

I can't believe how fast this year has gone, despite how slow it may have felt at times. 

I told myself I wasn't allowed to really start getting things together until a month before. 

And now it's here. 

Crazy. 

God is so faithful. 

There were a lot of moments this year when I doubted He would come through for me. 

I wondered over and over if I had jumped into this without really thinking it through, 

but He reassured me over and over that I am on the right path, 

that He has indeed called me to this. 

And because He has called me to this, 

I know He will provide for it. 

As it stands right now, 

I have about $2,000 raised, which is a significant jump from the $-161 I had last month. 

But I am still in need of $5,000 in the next 23 days, 

and I would love for you to be a part of getting me there. 

In order to be fully funded for my first year of ministry by January 1st, 

I need to raise a minimum of $217 a day. 

That may seem unrealistic, but it's totally possible if everyone who reads this helps out. 

If 22 people gave $10 a day, I would be fully funded. 

Or if 50 people gave one time donations of $100, I would make my deadline. 

If you are looking for some way to give back this Christmas, 

I pray that you will consider giving the gift of hope to the women trapped in the sex industry in Phuket.

You can give by clicking here and clicking the donate button.

Or you can give by looking to the right hand side of this page and clicking the DONATE button. 

No donation is too small. 

Literally every single dollar counts. 

If you are unable to give but still want to be involved, 

please PLEASE pray that all the finances will come in by January 1st. 

A thousand thank you's would never be enough for those of you that have already sown into this. 

You and I are going to change the world.