The Ultimatum.

I apologize for how completely distant I've been since moving to Thailand.

I have been hesitant to share the profound work the Lord has been doing in my heart because it has indeed been painful. 

And in the moments when I was eager to share, it seemed the words would not come. 

But with the changing of the tides, so comes a new season for me. 

And though I may not feel ready, the time to share is now. 

SHE Ministries has been going through a massive transition since before I arrived here in January. 

The leaders of this ministry are in burnout, and for the last 5 months have been taking a sabbatical.

That left the ministry in the hands of us four staff members and we have been struggling with upholding everything. 

I have been on a teeter totter between being okay and being very not okay for the last 5 months, 

with many contributing factors. 

But as I struggled to figure out whether my emotions were valid, 

or if it was nothing more than the constantly changing spiritual climate, 

the more I started to figure out that I have a lot of hurt, 

and that a lot of healing needs to be done in my heart. 

I have been incredibly blessed with an amazing community of 3 three beautiful women that love me so well, 

but at the end of the day,

 we don't have leaders to pour into us, 

and that has made the last 5 months incredibly difficult for all of us. 

Everything came to a head last week, 

and due to certain circumstances, I was faced with an ultimatum. 

I had the choice to stay here and flounder under the weight of something I was never meant to hold. 

I could leave SHE ministries and go somewhere else in Thailand.

Or I could go home. 

And through much prayer, 

counsel from people I love and trust, 

and the support of my 3 favourites,  

I have made the incredibly difficult decision to come home. 

I feel beat up, and broken, and I've got to take a step back and pray into what God is saying 

and where He is leading me from here. 

I don't have any money left, 

and with no financial supporters, I physically could not stay here anyway.  

I know there are many questions and many things I wish to explain, 

but I am currently unable to do so. 

And I ask for grace as I take the time I need to figure out what God has been teaching me in this season, and where to go from here. 

With everything aside, 

I do not regret this season. 

I've seen so much good in all of the hurt, 

and I trust that God knows exactly what He's doing. 

I am not leaving Thailand until June, so as I prepare to leave please be praying for me. 

Pray that I can finish strong at SHE and that God's will will be done.