Finding Oxygen.

As I sat on the floor of the stand up shower in my basement, 

my tears mixed with the steady stream of water that poured from above me. 

Weeping on the floor of my shower is not a rare occurrence for me.

In fact, on any given day that may prove to be more trying than most, 

you could probably find me there. 

On the race, the shower became my sanctuary. 

It was the only place I could be completely alone. 

I've sort of carried that over into real life I guess. 

When I have questions, when I feel hopelessly lonely, 

when I need to cry for no damn reason at all. 

The shower is my place. 

The place where I find my oxygen. 

Lately I've felt... suffocated. 

I've felt hopelessly lonely. 

I've felt like I'm just floating.

And I'm exhausted. 

Which is frustrating because I feel like I haven't even done anything for the past 6 months. 

All I do all day long I dream about walking the streets of Phuket, 

I dream about loving the women in the bars. 

I dream about taking photos and writing blogs that will inspire people. 

I dream about being where my heart lives. 

How do you go about your day when your heart is somewhere else?

How do you breathe without feeling the pain in your chest?

How do you live without your heart?

Apparently you just hold your breath and hope no one notices you're drowning. 

Which brings me here. 

Weeping on the floor of my shower. 

Heart breaking, soul crying out. 

Seeking with everything in me.

And finding. 

Finding the only One who can get me through this. 

Finding peace.

Restoration.

Finding my oxygen.