I apologize for how completely distant I've been since moving to Thailand.
I have been hesitant to share the profound work the Lord has been doing in my heart because it has indeed been painful.
And in the moments when I was eager to share, it seemed the words would not come.
But with the changing of the tides, so comes a new season for me.
And though I may not feel ready, the time to share is now.
SHE Ministries has been going through a massive transition since before I arrived here in January.
The leaders of this ministry are in burnout, and for the last 5 months have been taking a sabbatical.
That left the ministry in the hands of us four staff members and we have been struggling with upholding everything.
I have been on a teeter totter between being okay and being very not okay for the last 5 months,
with many contributing factors.
But as I struggled to figure out whether my emotions were valid,
or if it was nothing more than the constantly changing spiritual climate,
the more I started to figure out that I have a lot of hurt,
and that a lot of healing needs to be done in my heart.
I have been incredibly blessed with an amazing community of 3 three beautiful women that love me so well,
but at the end of the day,
we don't have leaders to pour into us,
and that has made the last 5 months incredibly difficult for all of us.
Everything came to a head last week,
and due to certain circumstances, I was faced with an ultimatum.
I had the choice to stay here and flounder under the weight of something I was never meant to hold.
I could leave SHE ministries and go somewhere else in Thailand.
Or I could go home.
And through much prayer,
counsel from people I love and trust,
and the support of my 3 favourites,
I have made the incredibly difficult decision to come home.
I feel beat up, and broken, and I've got to take a step back and pray into what God is saying
and where He is leading me from here.
I don't have any money left,
and with no financial supporters, I physically could not stay here anyway.
I know there are many questions and many things I wish to explain,
but I am currently unable to do so.
And I ask for grace as I take the time I need to figure out what God has been teaching me in this season, and where to go from here.
With everything aside,
I do not regret this season.
I've seen so much good in all of the hurt,
and I trust that God knows exactly what He's doing.
I am not leaving Thailand until June, so as I prepare to leave please be praying for me.
Pray that I can finish strong at SHE and that God's will will be done.
