Ready, Set...

The countdown is on. 

T-minus 8 hours and 21 minutes until take off. 

And I still am surrounded by a ton of my belongings that need to find themselves into a suitcase. 

At church last night, 

there was a corporate word given.

They said that they felt as though this past season was one of sowing, 

and that this next season is one of reaping. 

That statement couldn't be more true. 

My heart is fluttery every time I think about getting on a plane TOMORROW. 

How on earth did I get myself here?

For so long it seemed like Thailand was only a dream,

something that would always be just out of my reach. 

And yet here I am. 

On my way out the door. 

I can hardly believe it. 

Please keep me in your prayers. 

Travel mercies, favour with customs, no lost luggage (in Jesus' name!). 

Also pray for my heart. 

This is a huge step in my life and I am excited and nervous and sad and ecstatic all at once. 

Pray for my family, new and old. 

And most of all, pray for my new home.

Jesus said that the harvest is plenty. 

And I am ready to do the work. 

I'm ready to reap all that I have sown. 

I am still in need of $2,500 to be fully funded for the year. Please prayerfully consider donating to help women out of the sex trade. 

Christmas Bliss and Fighting For My Dreams.

It's Christmas Eve. 

I'm sitting alone in the living room of my parents house, 

drinking white wine and watching the Christmas lights glisten on the tree. 

My family is in the kitchen, sitting around the table laughing. 

I'm about to join them, but I linger, only for a moment, 

to savour the sweet sound of their voices in this exact moment. 

Bliss. 

------------------------------------------------------

13 days until departure,

 and I feel the familiar feeling of anxiousness creeping up on me. 

The feeling of "what if…"

What if I don't raise the $4,200 I need by January 7th? 

What if I end up getting so close to my dream, only to watch it crumble before my eyes?

What if.. What if I can't go to Thailand because of money? 

"I'm so forgetful, but you always remind me:

You're the only one who brings me peace."

These song lyrics have been running through my head all day today.

I've been meditating on them, speaking them over myself, praying them into existence. 

The truth is, I need help getting to Thailand. 

I only  have 13 days to raise $4,200 or I will not be able to go. 

I've been praying over the last few days about how I am to go about all this. 

How do I ask, yet again, for MORE money? 

Am I even supposed to go, Jesus? 

And if not, what am I supposed to be doing? 

How do I make people see? 

How do I make them hear?

The only answer I've received is "Trust."

Okay, God. You got it. 

I'll trust You. 

I'll trust You with everything I have.

I'm also going to fight for my dream of being a long term missionary in Thailand.

I'm going to fight for my dream to tell the untold stories of women trapped in the sex trade. 

I'm going to fight for my dream to go there and fight for them. 

So, 

I am asking you, begging you, to please consider donating to my dream. 

To God's dream of bringing hope and life to these women. 

I'm asking you to join me in the fight against human trafficking. 

I'm asking you to dream with me… 

If you feel led to donate, please do so by clicking here. 

If you cannot donate, please PLEASE pray that all the money will come in by January 7th. 

Share this blog with everyone you know. 

Once again, a thousand thank you's would never be enough to all who have already donated. 

I pray you will be blessed 100 fold for the blessing you have been to me. 

An Excerpt.

The snow-filled wind blows all around me and I can't help but think of cruel irony.
As the ground becomes cool and hard in the frigid air, my heart is beginning to thaw.
The icicles form, the flakes drift to their predestined places,
and I find myself beginning to spark on the inside.

The last 6 months of my life have been the hardest.
They have been the coolest, the loneliest, the weakest.
I would sit inside on a beautiful summer day, the kind that my soul used to rejoice in.
I would lay in my bed and cry, shaking with the stifling of sobs and the swallowing of lies.
My heart broke.
My hope scattered.
My soul despaired.
My entire being was overcome by the aching in my spirit.
I closed my eyes and succumbed to the blackness.

I sat in a pit of lies and numbness for months.
I let myself.
I let myself stay there because I knew I couldn't get out on my own and no one would help me climb.
I was afraid to feel the breaking again.
I didn't want to feel if it means I would only feel pain...


"Jesus… Jesus…"


 I called for You.
I called out as many times as I could muster.
And I will call for all the rest of my days.
For I am weak.
I am tired.
I am selfish.
I am unequipped.
I am sinful.
I am afraid.
I am bitter.
I am broken….

But You.
You love me.
You've called me.
You've redeemed me.
You call me Holy.
You call me Daughter…


Though I'm not out of the pit yet,
though I am slow at climbing from the ocean of bitterness,
the frozen walls around my heart are beginning to thaw,
just as the fresh winds of winter settle in.

30 days.

Today is December 8th.

Exactly 30 days until I get on a plane and my life changes forever. 

It's a strange feeling, stepping into your dreams. 

It's this intense rollercoaster of every emotion in the book. 

Nervousness. Excitement. Sadness. Expectation. Fear. Joy. 

As hard as this year has been, 

there still seems to be this underlying bittersweet feeling to every situation. 

Given how much snow we've had recently, I am more than ready to play in the crystalline waters of Thailand. 

But every day I seem to want to just stare at the Rocky Mountains in the distance. 

I am cherishing cozy sweaters and even that horrible feeling of your nostril hairs freezing instantly. 

I am definitely ready to go, but I'm finding it harder than usual to say goodbye to some of the things and people I have grown to love this year. 

I even started packing today. 

Which is absolutely insane. 

I can't believe how fast this year has gone, despite how slow it may have felt at times. 

I told myself I wasn't allowed to really start getting things together until a month before. 

And now it's here. 

Crazy. 

God is so faithful. 

There were a lot of moments this year when I doubted He would come through for me. 

I wondered over and over if I had jumped into this without really thinking it through, 

but He reassured me over and over that I am on the right path, 

that He has indeed called me to this. 

And because He has called me to this, 

I know He will provide for it. 

As it stands right now, 

I have about $2,000 raised, which is a significant jump from the $-161 I had last month. 

But I am still in need of $5,000 in the next 23 days, 

and I would love for you to be a part of getting me there. 

In order to be fully funded for my first year of ministry by January 1st, 

I need to raise a minimum of $217 a day. 

That may seem unrealistic, but it's totally possible if everyone who reads this helps out. 

If 22 people gave $10 a day, I would be fully funded. 

Or if 50 people gave one time donations of $100, I would make my deadline. 

If you are looking for some way to give back this Christmas, 

I pray that you will consider giving the gift of hope to the women trapped in the sex industry in Phuket.

You can give by clicking here and clicking the donate button.

Or you can give by looking to the right hand side of this page and clicking the DONATE button. 

No donation is too small. 

Literally every single dollar counts. 

If you are unable to give but still want to be involved, 

please PLEASE pray that all the finances will come in by January 1st. 

A thousand thank you's would never be enough for those of you that have already sown into this. 

You and I are going to change the world. 

Reality Check.

59 days till departure.

Almost everything is done. 

My flight is booked, my Thai visa came in the mail, 

I have purged my closets and drawers of almost all of my winter clothing, leaving me the only option of layering summer clothing right now.

I've envisioned how I am going to pack everything. 

I've planned out every detail I can think of. 

But I am struggling to remain peaceful. 

People are starting to ask me if I'm excited. 

And undoubtedly I am. Very. 

But as winter's chill has begun to freeze the yellow leaves and the cool wind has brought trillions of crystalline flakes to settle on the ground,

 I can't help but start to panic a little.

Reality Check:

I leave one week after New Years. 

Christmas is just around the corner.

And I have $-161.00 towards the funds that I need to make Thailand a reality.  

I have a deadline of raising everything I needed for the first year of ministry ($7,004) by January 1st. 

It's still possible, but it's going to take a miracle. 

And sometimes it's incredibly hard for me to believe that it will happen at all. 

I've seen God provide insane amounts of money in no time. 

And I'm trying to trust and believe that it will happen again. 

Most days I am not worried or anxious. 

But there are a few days in between those hopeful ones that kick my faith right out the backdoor. 

The reality is, 

I need an immense amount of help. 

I have a dream of bringing hope and light to those who are trapped in the sex industry. 

I know many of you do as well. 

I have a dream of telling the untold stories. 

The ones that will impact the world and inspire people to action. 

I have a dream of pouring my heart into the orphans and widows. 

The least of these. 

I know that many people reading this have hearts to do good. 

I know that many of you desire to see Heaven on earth and the day when every orphan is wrapped up in momma's arms. 

And none of these things are possible without you. 

If you desire to sow into the nation of Thailand, 

if you desire freedom for the women forced to sell their bodies every night, 

if the thought of the young children being sold and traded like cattle makes you sick… 

Please, PLEASE partner with me in this. 

There are 3 ways you can be involved in what God is doing in Phuket. 

1. PRAY. I cannot stress enough how much prayer is needed. I will be living in one of the darkest cities I've ever been in, and I need as much prayer and intercession as I can get.

2. SPREAD THE WORD. The more people know about what is going on around the world, the more we realize we have a responsibility to do something about it. Share this blog, or share the video on the support page. Acknowledgement is the first step to advocacy. 

3. GIVE. Though I will be considered staff at SHE, I will not be paid to be there. I need to pay for my own housing, food, transportation and ministry costs. By supporting me, you are allowing me to thrive in a nation that is starving for the hope of Jesus. 

I need a total of $600 a month to cover all ministry costs, food, accommodations, transport, and other expenses. 

You can give one-time donations as well as become a monthly supporter. 

If you feel led to give, please CLICK HERE.

Together, we can bring hope and life to Thailand like never before. 

The Boy Who Changed Everything.

Once upon a time, 

a girl named Allison went on a trek around the world. 

She joined up with 49 other people as they made their way through 4 continents,

loving and serving the locals and one another.

As they made their way through southern Africa, 

her heart rejoiced. 

There's something about Africa that just makes you come alive...

 But as they began the eighth month of the journey in the tiny nation of Swaziland, 

she was weary. 

Allison could feel the hopelessness of the whole country and it weighed heavily on her heart. 

But then one day, 

she met a boy. 

A teeny tiny baby boy named Michael, who changed everything for her.

For as long as I can remember, 

 I've wanted to be a mother. 

As I child I had many dolls and all of the accessories for each of them. 

My mom has a picture of me when I was about 2 or 3,

walking around with a baby doll stuck under my shirt pretending to be pregnant. 

I've never known a time when I didn't love babies. 

But this baby was very, very different. 

The moment I looked into his deep brown eyes, my heart was sealed to his. 

I didn't just love this child. 

I wanted to give the sun and the moon to him. 

I wanted to bring him home with me and have him with me forever. 

I very seriously considered dropping out of my journey and staying in Swazi with him. 

I talked to the staff to see if it were possible to adopt him. 

It wasn't. It's not. 

Since the day I left him, 

I've thought of him constantly. 

I pray for him, I sometimes pretend he's here with me. 

I think about maybe someday going back to that orphanage on the mountain and staying there with him, just so I can officially call him mine...

Today I stumbled across a recent picture of him and I couldn't stop the tears. 

My sweet baby is now a charming little toddler. 

I seriously couldn't love him more. 

Once upon a time, 

there was a little boy named Michael. 

His momma left him swaddled in blankets at an orphanage on top of a mountain. 

He needed someone to love him and snuggle him. 

Then one day, 

a girl came to the orphanage. 

A girl who was broken and sad and tired. 

She needed someone to love her, too.

She picked up the bundle of blankets and she saw him smiling back at her. 

Michael became the ray of light she needed. 

He was the only thing that gave her hope. 

He was the boy who changed everything...

Rest In Peace

I don't ever tell anyone when I'm going there. 

Some seem to think it's strange. 

But today, I needed peace. 

I needed stillness and beauty and above all, peace. 

The most peaceful place I know is on the outskirts of the city, located right in the middle of a cemetery. 

The sun was out and the sky was a crisp, satin blue today. 

There were many people around, placing perfectly arranged flowers over the names of their loved ones. 

I sat in the grass, breathing deeply for the first time in what felt like a year. 

All around me there is an eeriness. 

Like a foreboding sadness lurking on the edges of my conscious thought.

I don't give in though. 

It's hard to be sad when you look around and realize things could be much worse... 

I feel like I've been wandering around in a shell shocked stupor since the wheels hit the tarmac 10 months ago. 

I've let so many opportunities pass me by. 

I've said no, when I know God wanted me to say yes. 

I've let people down, and I've lived under unrelenting shame for it. 

I've wallowed in sadness, trying to bring back the season I wasn't ready to say goodbye to.

But not today. 

Today I breathed deep, and I let it all go. 

It's funny how sitting in the grass knowing there are a bunch of dead bodies underneath you changes your perspective. 

My problems, my worries, my anxious thoughts, my doubts. 

They all just don't seem to matter when I think about the big picture. 

When I'm 90, will I even remember why I cried for a week, thinking God didn't care or didn't see me?  

On my deathbed, will I remember feeling like a ridiculous, hot mess all of the time? 

This season has been really hard. 

I'm barely breathing most days. 

And sometimes I just need to know that this struggle will end. 

That this too shall pass. 

I'm learning what it really means to rest in the peace of my Saviour. 

I'm learning that it's not always going to something that comes naturally. 

Sometimes it's a choice. 

I've been anxious about raising money for Thailand, knowing that there's no grace to fail this time. 

I've been wondering if I'm even called at all, or if I am being selfish for leaving my family again. 

I've been sitting in this place of fear, thinking that I will get there and realize I made a mistake, 

that I didn't really hear His voice promising me more time in Thailand. 

I've been wrong so many times before... 

But as I sat under the blue sky and watched the yellow leaves dance, 

I decided to just live in the moment, 

and remember that He is God. 

And if I made a mistake, 

there's grace. 

If I don't raise enough money, 

there is something better for me. 

If I can never get my shit together and I'm a hot mess the rest of my life,

so be it. 

I'll be His hot mess. 

I have to trust that He's big enough to make my mess into beauty again.